Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
