I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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