You smell like stripper and shame
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
