it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
