he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Buhtt sex?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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