Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
