what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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