My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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