I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
