youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
