he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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