have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
