I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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