Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
