how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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