Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just gargled with NyQuil
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
