I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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