dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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