you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
