with your own penis?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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