So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
