This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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