I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
someone owes me an orgasm
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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