wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm too high and old for this...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
