after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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