Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
