I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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