there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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