dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
