...so i touched it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
