Its about making memories worth repressing
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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