Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
