the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
