We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
