Where did you get a picture of my penis
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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