it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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