I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
