I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was confusing and full of hummus
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
