your parents love me but you hate me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
