I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
