I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
