Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
