god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
