'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
