Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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