Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
