just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
