I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
