What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
