Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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