Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
